There is a difference between a father and a dad. A father is your biological parent, whereas a dad is somebody who actually provides support and raises you. I never really knew my father, and until I was 14 years old, I never had a dad, either. In 2018, my mother started dating somebody who would leave a lasting impact on my life.
This was the first time that I remembered ever living with a man and having a father figure, even if he wasn’t my ‘real’ dad. Even though he and my mom never married, I still consider him my stepfather because he was the closest I have ever come to having a dad. He taught me that I wasn’t unlovable, and he stepped up to be somebody that I never knew how much I needed until I lost him. In 2019, my stepfather died by suicide.
My support system and community are, undoubtedly, the only things that got me through my grief. I remember being at his funeral and getting that burning feeling in my throat from holding back my tears. I didn’t think I deserved to grieve him. He wasn’t my father, and I wasn’t his kid. There were other people closer to him who were grieving him, so it felt selfish to take that away from them. Grief is complicated.
It’s been six years since my stepfather passed, and this is my first time really talking about him with anyone who isn’t in my family. Every day, I grieve him in my own ways. I show up for myself since he is no longer able to. Even though my community is small, it is strong. My whole family grieved my stepfather together, and there was never a moment when I didn’t have them standing by my side. My friends may not be able to understand my grief, but they still show up and support me unconditionally. While I am strong, I’m not sure how I would have been able to get through this period of my life without my community. They’ve helped me learn that it’s okay to grieve him. It’s okay to be sad or to be angry or to be confused. They helped me realize that blood isn’t the only type of family, and that although Joe wasn’t blood, he was family.
It’s Strong to Ask for Help
No one deserves to feel alone in their grief. If you are reading this and struggling to carry the weight of your loss, please know that your courage lies in reaching out. This International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, let’s honor our loved ones by creating a world where mental health struggles and grieving are met with open arms. You are a survivor. You are strong. You do not have to walk this path alone.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and lean on somebody. You can find support within your family, friends, community, teachers, and even strangers. There are resources like grief counseling, support groups, and crisis help lines available to support you. If you are in need of immediate crisis support, consider reaching out to the following dedicated organizations:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call 988 or Text BRAVE to 741-741
- Trevor Project: Call 866-488-7386 or Text START to 678-678
