Reaching out is important
Knowing that a friend or loved one is struggling with their mental health can be scary and confusing. You may feel helpless, but you can make a difference by listening, being prepared, and knowing when to act.
Most of all, you should know that being on the journey with your friend or family member says a lot about your compassion and empathy.
You’re incredible, and we’re so glad they have you.
What to expect when offering help
Everyone’s mental health treatment and recovery journey is different. Knowing the questions to ask, how to connect your friend or loved one to help, and the “do’s” and “don’ts” of talking to the person you’re concerned about regarding mental health will go a long way.
But here are some things you might encounter while you move through this mental health journey with your friend or family member:
- Expect to be emotional
You care deeply and a loved one is struggling. There will be a lot of feelings that come up as you are supporting them, and sometimes you can experience opposing feelings at the same time. They likely haven’t been the person you’re used to. It might be clear that something is wrong or something in your gut might just be making you worried. Either way, there will be some emotions to process. Sometimes, you might feel sad and relieved or frustrated and understanding. There may be times when you feel awkward because you don’t know what to say or how to help. There might also be times of joy and moments where you can celebrate victories with them or alone.
Be honest about your feelings and remain open to the spectrum of emotions. It’s okay to feel awkward, it’s okay for there to be uncertainty, anger, or even happiness all at the same time. It’s part of the process, and your loved one may share these feelings.
- Expect this to be hard
Helping friends or family members through challenges, illness, and struggle can be especially difficult to feel and navigate. It will stretch you and challenge you, but is also an important skill. You might feel frustrated, irritated, annoyed, or any number of difficult emotions throughout this process. Your friend or family member is probably also frustrated with not feeling like themselves and the process of trying to change that. You may even have moments of wanting to walk away. This is all normal.
Consider what will help you take care of yourself when all of these feelings creep in. You might find it helpful to find a song or video that helps to bring you hope or take a few deep breaths while in the moment. Be honest with yourself about how you feel and state your hope to rejoin the journey with compassion in the future. - Expect to refer more than once
Treatment and recovery are not linear processes. Your friend or family member may have to use different kinds of resources at different times in their journey. The first time they seek help from one source probably won’t be the last, so do your best to be prepared with resources they may need when they ask or support them while they search for more. - Expect awkwardness
There are going to be times when you don’t know what to say or how to help. Be honest about it. Remain open. It’s okay to feel awkward, and it’s okay for there to be moments of uncertainty. It’s part of the process and it could be a shared feeling. - Expect irritability
Many mental health disorders come with irritability. It makes sense. If you’re the person who is trying to help your friend or family member root out what disorder they may be dealing with, that disorder is may tell them they should push you away. Understand that it’s not personal; it’s the illness. If it becomes too much, it’s okay to step away from the conversation. - Expect joy
We have talked a lot about what a slog being a support person can be. But anytime your friend or family member makes even a little bit of progress, those times can bring intense joy. Celebrate those victories with them or alone (depending on what they want), but don’t let them go uncelebrated. Those victories are proof of your friend’s or family member’s ability to recover. There may also be feelings of joy or relief around just being able to see and spend time with a loved one. - Expect positive shifts
No, your relationship will probably never be the same. You may need to grieve those changes. However, recovery can be the start of an even stronger, healthier relationship. Leave yourself open to those possibilities!
The “S” Word
Talking about suicide will not give someone thoughts they did not already have. Rather, it will let your friend or family member know you are there for them and are open to any and all conversation. You then will be a source of support if things become difficult in the future.
Watch for signs that demand immediate attention
Talking to someone about suicide can be uncomfortable, but it could also save a life.
Be there for a… Friend
The best way to help a friend is to A.S.K. — Acknowledge, Support, Keep-in-Touch.
- Acknowledge
Start the conversation and set the tone by showing them your full attention. Let them know their feelings and experiences are valid, that you believe them, and recognize the courage it took to come to you.
- Support
Show up and ask how you can help. Offer options and resources for coping methods and/or professional help, if needed.
- Keep-in-Touch
Actions speak louder — checking back in regularly shows you care about and hear them.
This new “stop, drop, and roll” of emotional support was created in close collaboration between Active Minds and SHOWTIME/MTV Entertainment Studios. For those wanting to dive deeper into how to A.S.K. Acknowledge, Support, Keep-in-Touch, visit our interactive website with tips, activities, and social media shareables.
Time to practice!
Try the YouTube Experience and help Charlie navigate an emotional conversation with Luna. In this journey, you choose how Charlie responds in the conversation, and see A.S.K. Acknowledge, Support, Keep-in-Touch, in action.
Be there for a… Loved One
It’s hard to see a family member or loved one we care about struggling with their mental health. Our support is incredibly helpful to the ones we care about, so we need to remind them of our love for them.
Even when those we love know in their heads we love them, it can be difficult to feel it’s true.
Communication is key
It’s important to share your thoughts and observations, but also to allow your family member to express themselves. With our family, we may want to jump in and fix the problem, but we must work with our loved one to develop strategies to cope with the situation and find reasonable solutions. We want them to feel empowered.
Family communication tips
- Listen actively
Active listening helps you avoid making assumptions. Summarizing and re-phrasing what your loved one is saying allows you to ensure you are following correctly and signals that you’re seeking to truly understand what they’re going through. This also provides your loved one the opportunity to clarify if you’re not fully understanding what they’re saying.
- Use “I” statements
“I” statements are a critical tool when broaching any delicate topic with a friend. These statements help you express your concern and own your own feelings without seeming judgmental. They encourage conversation and problem-solving.
You can formulate an “I” statement by describing your feelings in relationship to the changes you’ve noticed and suggesting action steps.
- I feel [emotion]
- When [action or behavior]
- Because [reason you feel the named emotion]
- I’m wondering if [action step]
Here is an example: “I feel concerned when you can’t get out of bed because I care about you. I’m wondering if talking to a counselor might help.”
- Let them speak
The support many family members need and are looking for is simply someone to talk to who will listen. Let your loved one speak freely and share what they want. Don’t interrupt. Ask open-ended questions that require a short answer, rather than “yes” or “no,” to get more information so you can better support them. - Leave plenty of time
Pick a time with flexibility. The conversation may be short, but just in case, make sure neither of you has anywhere to be immediately. You don’t want to have to stop the conversation before you find a solution or a clear endpoint. - Choose an appropriate time and place
Try to avoid speaking with your loved one when they are dealing with stressful things in the moment. If they are already having a difficult time, engaging in a conversation about your concerns may not be as well received as it would if you wait until a later time. Talking about your concerns can be uncomfortable for both people. Pick a place where you both feel safe, but emphasize your loved one’s comfort. If possible, let them decide where to meet. It should be a place where they feel on equal footing with you. Privacy is essential. - Reinforce your love
Let your family member know you are there to support them. Tell them while you may not entirely understand, you want to help because you care for them. Your loved one may fear you will leave them, so acknowledge your commitment to them. - Don’t try to solve problems. Listen and collaborate.
It can be difficult not to jump into problem-solving mode, but this often isn’t what your family member wants or needs. Discuss with your loved one how they want to be supported and offer what you can. Listen to their concerns and work collaboratively with them to think of ways to help them through the difficult times. Allow your family member to take ownership of their well-being and guide the process.
Be there for your… Students
Students need to hear that their mental well-being is more important than any grade or class. Discuss taking care of one’s mental health as a priority.
Almost one-third of college students report having felt so depressed that they had trouble functioning.
Supporting your students so they can shine
As educators we support our students with academic assistance so they can achieve their goals. But what happens when the reason a student is struggling has more to do with mental health issues than academic issues?
- BE OPEN
Let students know they are welcome to come speak with you about their concerns, whether academic or personal. - BE UPFRONT
Address mental health early on. Share that you are there for your students and want to be a source of support. You want your students to succeed academically and are obviously there if they need academic assistance, but you are also available should they be experiencing mental health difficulties. - ADD NOTES TO YOUR SYLLABI
Include the phone number for your campus’ Counseling and Psychological Services on your syllabus. Discuss taking care of one’s mental health as a priority. Your students need to hear their mental well-being is more important than any class.
Suicide is a leading cause of death among college students, but mental illness is treatable and suicide is preventable.
Other helpful strategies
There are things you can do to help, including educating yourself and your students.
- WARNING SIGNS
Educate yourself about the Signs and Symptoms of mental health challenges. Look out for these symptoms in your students and address them early on if you have concerns. - TRIGGERING CONTENT
Think about what you will be discussing and whether it may be potentially triggering to some students. Place a trigger warning before engaging in the topic so students can prepare themselves. - PERSON-FIRST LANGUAGE
When describing someone with a mental illness, use person-first language. This means saying “person with bipolar disorder” rather than “bipolar person” or “person with anorexia” instead of “anorexic.” Also, it is best practice to say “died by suicide” rather than “committed suicide.” The word “committed” connotes a crime. - AVAILABLE RESOURCES ON CAMPUS
Know what resources are available to your students and have the information on hand. If a student is in crisis, see our Crisis Support resources. We also have Referral Resources for other places to find help.
Untreated mental health issues in the college student population — such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders — are associated with lower GPAs and a higher probability of dropping out of college.
Offer alternatives
Though it can be difficult and may require extra work on your part, students who need accommodations will be immensely grateful for your understanding and support. For many students, asking for an alternative assignment is a difficult thing to do, so meet them with support and understanding. Examine what the purpose of the assignment or grade component is, and think creatively to suggest an alternative like those outlined below.
- CLASS PARTICIPATION VS. READING RESPONSES
If the purpose of class participation is to show a student has completed the readings, offer the opportunity to do reading responses instead.
- COLD CALLING VS. POP QUIZZES
Cold-calling can be extremely anxiety-inducing for some students. Students have been known to drop a class if this is a policy due to fear of being called on. If the goal is to ensure students are prepared for class, try implementing pop quizzes.
- PUBLIC SPEAKING VS. RECORDED OR NARRATED PRESENTATION
If a student is unable to do public speaking in class, offer to allow them to narrate their presentation and present the video in class. Or, have them film their presentation in front of a group of people of their choosing and show that video in class.
Be there for your… Employees
Cultivating mental wellness in the workplace promotes creativity, productivity, longevity, and employee fulfillment.
Changing the culture at work
As employers, we all strive for a work culture that maximizes productivity and supports employees to do their best work. We also want employees to be satisfied with their work and fulfilled so that they are committed to the quality and forward momentum of our companies. Studies demonstrate that two goals — a workforce that feels supported, and maximum productivity and profit — go hand in hand.
- 81% of workers
report that workplace stress affects their mental health - 52% of employees
reported feeling burned out in the past year because of their job, and 37% reported feeling so overwhelmed it made it hard to do their job - 43% of employees
believe they would be negatively impacted by telling their employer about a mental health condition
As employers, we have choices
Employers all over the world are starting to attend to the mental health culture of their companies for their employees’ wellbeing, and their bottom line. What does your company choose?
- Maintain a rigid work culture
Continuing to expect employees to be at their desks, without exception, during assigned hours. This creates a culture of understanding that people plan their time off only when convenient to the company and that sick time is reserved for only times of extreme personal illness. - Strive for a supportive workplace
Alternatively, we can hold employees accountable for their work and entrust them to accomplish their hours and assignments while offering a reasonable level of flexibility. When the unexpected happens, we can allow employees to use allotted sick time and Paid Time Off to take care of themselves, both physically and emotionally. When possible, employees can supported by allowing them to work remotely in order to meet their other needs.
“Globally, an estimated 12 billion working days are lost every year to depression and anxiety at a cost of $1 trillion per year in lost productivity.”
— WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION, 2022
How can we promote supportive work environments?
We all have mental health. For some, it is a diagnosed, potentially chronic condition that we live with, and for all, it is a part of our daily lives.
CONSIDER EXTRAORDINARY LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES
Consider an employee who has a child who is ill, an ailing parent, a natural disaster impacting their home or community, a recent home invasion, or any extraordinary life circumstance.
- Are they at their mental best to perform at work or have options to ensure the safety of their family?
- Do they feel safe asking for time off or remote time so that they can address the pressing needs in their life without the threat of punishment?
A work environment that supports an employee’s ability to address their core needs may dramatically lighten the mental load of other pressing needs, thereby increasing productivity.
CONSIDER WORKPLACE CONFLICTS
Consider an employee who is having a conflict with a co-worker, client, project, or supervisor. They may feel anxious or stressed which may impede their productivity.
- Do they have someone they can speak with safely to help them address their concern?
- Does the culture of the company allow for an employee to express that they are experiencing a roadblock or have made a mistake?
Fostering a work culture that treats failure associated with trial and error as a growth opportunity rather than a punishable offense promotes creativity, loyalty, and professional vulnerability.
“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort: It’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy, and it’s practicing your values, not just professing them.”
— BRENÉ BROWN, PHD
Expand our idea of “mental health”
Employers have a choice whether to enhance mental wellness in the workplace, and many recommended enhancements require little or no financial investment. These practices allow for employees to show up more fully when at work, leading to a healthier, more productive and more loyal workforce.
- Define health — and “sick time” — broadly
Many companies offer the benefit of “sick days” separate from Paid Time Off, an important and invaluable benefit. As employers, we can support a broad definition of “sick,” making it clear that mental health is as valid a reason to use that time as physical health and that the health and wellbeing of loved ones and dependents count, as well. What if “sick time” was instead referred to as “personal health time”? - Model positive language and messaging
Are employees applauded for working weekends or saving vacation time? Are they ever reprimanded for taking time off (during a non-extraordinary time in the office)?
Are conversations happening about others’ time off that might inadvertently discourage people from taking down time? i.e. “She was barely even sick can you believe she took the day off?” or “He took the afternoon off to pick up his kids, what’s that about?” Make it clear that disrespectful language will not be tolerated in the workplace.
Do casual conversations around the office include language that stigmatizes mental health challenges? i.e. “The boss is acting so bipolar this week.” Or, “He is being OCD about the organization of this event.” Using mental health diagnoses or terms as adjectives is inherently stigmatizing.
- Create a comfortable physical environment
We spend most of our weeks in the office so creating a pleasant environment that promotes a general sense of wellbeing can help employees feel more satisfied in their work, more comfortable, and more focused.
Environmental factors that can impact employees’ moods, mental wellness in the workplace, and productivity include open doors (when possible), healthy snacks, ergonomic workspaces, plants, natural light, colors, design/décor, etc.
- Proactively promote wellness practices and resources
Access to personal health days, Paid Time Off, mindfulness apps, human resources, on-site wellness resources, trainings, time offered for therapy sessions, and other resources are great benefits and can be very valuable… but only if employees have the time and support to utilize them.
- Encourage team-building and open communication
Build a team culture, lexicon, and mutual understanding using easy-to-access tools such as personality/workstyle quizzes, or other team-building tools. Employers can also support consistent check-ins between managers and employees to maintain clear and ongoing feedback and support and acknowledge the positive work done by employees, not just the pain points. - Offer reasonable flexibility in working hours
Consider allowing alternative work schedules or the opportunity to make up brief time lost due to important obligations or appointments. Alternatively, allow employees to take bereavement leave for the loss of anyone they deem as a close relative or the freedom to work remotely, as is reasonable and commensurate with work objectives while visiting an ailing loved one.
Remember to take care of yourself, too! Self-care is not selfish. You must fill your own cup before you can pour into others.
Know that it might be hard for them to accept help
Helping a friend or family member get the help they need is rarely an efficient process. There are a lot of stages that a person has to go through to find the courage and confidence to get help.
As hard as it can be to be patient with your friend or family member, they’re probably not going to move as quickly toward help as you’d like them to, and that can take a toll on you, as well.
Here are some things to keep in mind.
- Leave yourself open
If your friend or family member needs to continue processing in order to take the next step to get help, let them know that you’re there to help them reason through that decision and will be there before, during, and after. - Cultivate support systems for them
Quietly team up with friends and others who are concerned about your friend or family member and solidify those connections. Your friend or family member doesn’t need to know that this is happening — in fact, to them, it may seem like you’re ganging up — but the better people can communicate the pieces of information they know and put them all together, the more supported your friend or family member will feel. - Cultivate your own support system
Helping a friend or family member through the process of help-seeking can be hard on the helper. Find someone you can debrief with and ways that you can make sure to look after yourself. You might also find someone who can help reinforce your boundaries so that you can follow through on your commitments and self-care. - Explore your resources
Often it’s hard to know what to say or how to help a friend or family member who is still refusing to seek help. If you’re out of ideas and growing impatient, seek out a counselor who can consult with you on ways to move forward. They’re the experts and they’ve guided others through these processes in the past. - Know when to hold ‘em; know when to fold ‘em
You might be asked to keep your friend or family member’s secrets. Sometimes this is okay as it strengthens trust and keeps the lines of communication open. But if they ever tell you anything that is way beyond what you can handle or indicates that they may be a threat to themselves or others, it’s time to talk to an expert. Your friend or family member may be angry with you, but not keeping their secrets could save their life.
Discover Active Minds Programs
An immersive experience that illustrates the stories and centers the voices of youth as they guide us through their mental health journeys to end the silence surrounding mental health.
Active Minds and MTV’s A.S.K. Acknowledge, Support, Keep-in-Touch, the new “stop, drop, and roll” of emotional support.
Peer-led mental health advocacy groups, equipped to mobilize and change the conversation about mental health in their school and communities.
The content on this site is intended for educational purposes only and should not take the place of talking with your doctor or healthcare professional. It should not be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or disease. If you have any questions about your medical condition, talk to your healthcare professional.
